jueves, 26 de junio de 2008

Todo sobre mi tia Sofia - All about Sophie


Fi geso i alwad ffôn gin mam y dwyrnod o’r blan, a hitha’n mynnid ‘bo fi’n mynd i lan i weld Anti Sophie yn Tottenham. Dyna’r peth ola own i’n moyn neud, ond ma’ rhaid ifi blygu glin ac uffuddhau witha er mwyn cadw’r heddwch. ‘The deaf bat’ odd ym war a finna’n ei galw hi pan oen ni’n fach, a hitha ar un o’i hymweliadau blynyddol i Gymru, ond mae hi bron yn ddall nawr a hwnna ar ben y ddamwain a gas hi gyda rhyw Mercedes-Benz ‘nath sgido a dod ar dop y pafin y tu fas idd’i chartref hi yn Witherside Drive a gyrru off gyda hannar ei choes hi o dan y bonet. Rŷn ni jwst yn cyfeirio ati ddi fel Sophie druan erbyn hyn.

Fe ddechreuws y dydd yn eitha gwael. Fi ddylas i’r bws rhif 44 i Victoria sydd ond yn cymeryd 10 munud fel arfer, ond fe ddath bagid o bensiynwyr o Tsheina ar y bws jwst cyn Battersea Bridge - ar ôl iddyn nhw ymweld â Battersea Park am a’r wn i. Wi’n credu ‘bo fi’n itha wleidyddol gywir a licswn i ddim gwed bod yr un iaith yn swno fel brain yn cweryla â’i gilydd ond rwyt ti heb fod ar dop y bws 44 a nhwtha ar bob ochor iti - licswn i ddim byw yn Tseina neu byswn i byth off y paracetamol. Rown i wedi bwriadu dala’r 368 o Victoria i Tottenham a joio’r golygfeydd ar y ffordd wedyn, ond 'own i’m yn fodlon risgo llwyth o Chinese yn dod mlan eto, felly dylas i’r tiwb gyda’r bobol ddrewllyd.

Wi’n ‘gorffod’ mynd i weld Anti Sophie biti tair gwaith y flwyddyn ond ma’ unwaith yn hen ddigon ac ifi’n gwed celwdd wrth mam biti’r ddau ymweliad dychmygol arall. Ar ôl biti awr, dyna le’r own i ar stepan ei drws hi, ond wedyn bu raid ifi aros ugain munud arall cyn iddi ddod at y drws, ond pwy erfyn llai a hithau’n gorffod clunhercan ar y goes bren sy’ gyda ddi nawr. Ma’ ddi’n ‘ngalw i’n Norman am ryw reswm a ‘sneb yn gwpod pam; wi’n siŵr nag os clem ‘da ddi pwy odw i mewn gwirionadd ac wi wedi’r rhoi gora i drial egluro. Mae hi bach yn dwlali a gwed y gwir. Os bydda i’n mynd i’r tŷ bach yn ystod fy ymweliad, bydd hi wedi anghofio 'bo fi yn y tŷ ar ôl ifi ddod mas a bydd raid dychra ar y cyfarchion unwaith eto.

Nyrs oedd hi yn Llundain ac ‘odd neb yn deall pam ath hi i Lundain i weitho – wel pawb heblaw am Mrs Davies drws nesa odd yn convinced ‘bod hi wedi rytag bant am ei bod hi’n lesbian. Daw home help idd’i helpu ddi mas pob hyn a hyn, ac ma ddi’n cal meals on wheels pob dydd, ond er hynny, ma’ hi’n eithaf annibynnol ei hysbryd ac yn mynnid cwcan amall i bryd idd’i hunan. ‘Nath hi ‘sandwich’ ifi a dishglad o de ond odd rhaid ifi godi’r bara er mwyn tsheco nag odd dim byd rhyfadd yn y cenol. Shwrna, dath hi â ‘scotch egg’ ifi ond odd hi heb dynnu’r plishgyn off y wî cyn rhoi’r cig sosej a’r briwsion bara o’i gwmpas e a’i dowlu yn y ffrimpan; wi’n synnu nag odd e wedi ecsplodo a bod yn onast.

Buson ni’n gryndo ar gwpwl o’i hen dapiau o ‘Just a Minute’ gyda Nicholas Parsons ac ‘I’m Sorry I Haven’t a Clue’ gyda Humphrey Lytlleton, ac wedyn odd hi’n moyn gryndo ar dâp o Liberace yn canu’r ffycin piano am hannar awr. Ma’ ddi’n lico hen ffilmiau hefyd ac fi ddetho i â fideo o Bette Davis yn ‘All about Eve’. Yn anffodus, anghofias i taw fersiwn wedi ei dybo i’r Gastilaneg ‘odd gyda fi ac felly fe watshon ni 'Eva al desnudo' - ond wetws Anti Sophie ddim byd; walla bod hi’n diall Sbaeneg ond own i ddim yn lico gofyn. Dechreuws hi bendwmpan hannar ffordd trwy’r ffilm, felly fi gwnnas i lan a thynnu ei dannadd doti hi mas, lapio siôl amdeni, doti cwshin o dan ei phen a rhoi cusan ar ei thalcan cyn gatal am flwyddyn arall. Dylswn i fod yn weithiwr cymdeithasol – ma ‘gen i ‘mynadd Jôb.

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